Two dos of divorce mediation include thorough preparation and respectful communication. Don’ts include hiding assets and entering mediation with an uncooperative mindset. Fortunately, for many people in DuPage County, mediation offers a more efficient and less stressful way to resolve divorce issues. Keeping dos and don’ts in mind should make for an even better outcome.
Divorce involves a lot of decision-making. For experienced legal help, contact Erlich Law at (630) 538-5331.
What Are the Dos of Divorce Mediation in Illinois?
Mediation can hold the keys to a peaceful divorce. To improve the odds of a successful outcome, focus on cooperation, remain open to compromise, and keep a few other dos in mind.
Understand Why You Chose Mediation
Some people agree to the divorce mediation process without fully understanding its benefits. They may also agree to it hoping it scores them points with the other spouse or with the court.
Choose mediation because you genuinely think it can be successful. Otherwise, you undercut the chances of a successful result.
One of the biggest divorce mediation pros and cons is that while mediation tends to be more cooperative and financially sensible, it truly does require a mindset of compromise. Couples who can do this together often find that mediation is quicker and less expensive than court battles. Mediation also gives both spouses more control over what happens, versus a judge making final decisions.
Prepare
Come to the mediation sessions with as thorough an understanding as possible of your finances, marital assets, debts, and other important matters. For example, review your Illinois divorce checklist and gather documents such as bank statements, tax returns, and prenuptial agreements.
This information gets you a better understanding of your wants and needs and lets you better articulate your position. You can advocate more effectively for yourself during the sessions.
Identify Your Priorities
One aspect of preparation is to identify your priorities so you can go into mediation able to explain them well. There will be issues on which you and your spouse differ. Common areas of disagreement in divorces include child custody and what happens to the marital home. A divorce attorney who is in tune with your goals can help you stay focused on your priorities.
Communicate Clearly
One characteristic of divorce mediation is wanting to compromise rather than fight. To this end, clear and respectful communication is important. This is especially true given the many emotions involved in divorce. Stay as calm as possible, be respectful in your word choice when explaining issues, and listen to your spouse’s perspective.
Focus on the Best Interests of the Children
If your divorce involves minor children, focus on their best interests in mediation. Work toward a parenting plan that gives the children stability and an environment in which they can thrive. This could mean keeping the children in the same school and maintaining their relationships with extended family members.
Consider the children’s emotional, educational, and social needs. If possible, incorporate flexibility in the parenting plan. Life tends to be dynamic, and a rigid plan could end up being too stressful. That said, a strict plan may be necessary in your situation. Your lawyer can help you figure out how flexible or strict your plan should be.
Remain Open to Compromise
“To win” should not be a goal of divorce mediation. Instead, focus on reaching an agreement that benefits both you and the other party. To get there, you must be willing to compromise. Remain open to a give-and-take approach, whether the issue at hand is asset division, child custody, or another matter.
What Are the Don’ts of Divorce Mediation in Illinois?
A few mistakes can undermine mediation. Approach it as a collaborative process, and avoid emotion-driven decisions.
Don’t Think of Mediation as a Battle
Mediation is designed to be collaborative. If you enter it with the mindset that you are playing games, entering battle, or need to win, it can be counterproductive and hinder progress.
Don’t Hide Assets or Important Information
Full transparency is necessary in DuPage County divorce mediation. Trying to hide assets or debts is a mistake. The same goes for concealing important information, such as major job changes and certain types of health updates.
Staying quiet can delay and complicate the divorce, and even lead to penalties if people later find out you hid information. Your divorce attorney can make sure you are following acceptable disclosure procedures while helping you maintain as much privacy as possible.
Don’t Let Emotions Drive Your Decisions
Understandably, most divorces involve emotions, common ones being anger, grief, fear, and relief. Letting emotions dictate your decisions is a mistake, though. You help yourself by staying as calm as possible in mediation and focusing on your long-term best interests.
If you begin to feel overwhelmed, let your divorce attorney know. You do not need to pretend to be “strong” with your lawyer. He or she can help you take a step back and make sure you are on a rational track of thought for making decisions.
Don’t Expect Instant Resolution
Mediation is usually faster than battling issues in court. Still, have realistic expectations about how long the process takes. Many divorce issues such as child custody, spousal support, and the division of high-value assets take time to negotiate. A single session may not be enough to resolve all conflicts.
You help yourself by being patient and willing to participate in multiple meetings if they are necessary. Otherwise, rushing the process can result in terms a judge will not accept, an agreement you will become unhappy with in time because it is not fair to you, or other negative outcomes.
Don’t Rely on Verbal Agreements
A major mistake during divorce mediation is not formalizing agreements in writing. Sometimes, people feel like they are on the same page with their spouses, without a written record, one person’s word goes up against the other’s.
For that reason, among others, verbal agreements are generally not enforceable. When they are presented in court, the other party may dispute them. Document all agreements you reach during mediation to ensure they end up legally binding and enforceable.
Don’t Skip a Lawyer
A divorce attorney can offer guidance throughout the mediation process, review agreements to ensure they are fair, and protect your rights. If you have a prenuptial agreement, your lawyer can also ensure that mediation agreements honor its terms.
A lawyer also helps make sure that mediation is right for your situation. It might not be appropriate if domestic violence, manipulation, or a history of power imbalances are present. In addition, either party being unwilling to compromise or struggling with mental health or substance use issues can render meaningful participation in mediation not possible. Mediation may be counterproductive if serious communication breakdowns between the parties are common.
How Your Divorce Lawyer Can Help With Mediation in DuPage County, IL
Illinois has 1.1 divorces per 1,000 people, and mediation helps resolve many of these splits. Your divorce lawyer can assist with your divorce mediation in many ways.
Offer Legal Advice, Guidance, and Support
Mediation should be cooperative, but having a lawyer on your side is a huge advantage. For example, a skilled divorce attorney helps you prepare for mediation, clarifies your priorities, and explains your legal rights and the possible outcomes. Common questions to ask a divorce lawyer may include:
- What should I expect during mediation?
- What are the best strategies for discussing custody or asset division?
- What do I do if I think my spouse is hiding assets?
- How can I keep the house?
- Is joint custody really reasonable?
Divorce is often a huge strain, too. Your lawyer acts as your advocate and offers emotional support. He or she helps you make educated, proactive decisions about your future.
Review Agreements for Fairness
It is a good idea to have lawyers review mediation agreements before they become final. A review helps ensure that the terms are fair and comply with Illinois divorce laws.
Maintain a Focus on the Big Picture
Divorce can be overwhelming with lots happening. It is easy to let the details of individual issues sidetrack you. Your lawyer can help you focus on the bigger picture and on your priorities, whether they are becoming more financially stable, having a fair custody arrangement, or staying emotionally level during the divorce.
Deal With Complex Legalities
If your divorce in DuPage County involves high assets or nuanced financial matters, a lawyer can help you deal with them. If mediation does not work and your case goes to court, your attorney can represent you in court and protect your interests at every step in the process.
Contact us today at Erlich Law for more details on divorce mediation.
